Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
