I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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