dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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