Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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