new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
