i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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