my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
