maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
