so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I skipped work to stalk him.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Randomize