so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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