Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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