Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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