I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Who did Billy Mays play for?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
