I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
