So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
as a side note pls kill me
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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