i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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