Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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