oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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