whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize