Just cropdusted the office
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We need a shit load of segways right now
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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