I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
