You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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