i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
