Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
