walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
