I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She bit a glass in half.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
