the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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