we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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