Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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