I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
