It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i came on her dog
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize