ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
