ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
