You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
