I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
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