her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
