she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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