It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
