I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
