I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize