he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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