Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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