you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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