We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
