Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
