I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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