Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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