i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
