God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
