apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Dick very happy bro
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
