First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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