The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
