I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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