I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
