I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
