Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
