There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
