You're completely useless in the revolution.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
