It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
