pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
