I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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