you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
