Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize