Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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