can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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