So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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