grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
