You're so nebulous sometimes
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
