He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
