She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I believe in your delicious
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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