home. puking in laundry basket.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Randomize
