Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
