just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
