so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
