I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize