are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
