i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
