im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
