hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
