oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
