I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
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