Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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