Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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