He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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