Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
