I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
