Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Don't make out with my wife yet
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
