All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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