they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
