They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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