I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
His nipple licking is glorious
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