You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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