I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
