ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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