Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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