Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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