shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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