FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
