clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize