Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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