I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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