well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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