guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize