you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
