dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I showed him my bush... on skype.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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