i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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